I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
