So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
