Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
