Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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