is your mom at the bar?
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
