the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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