fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
