boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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