my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
