So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Randomize
