remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
