also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
