oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
