They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
