talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I lost the right to judge tonight
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
