Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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