I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
