It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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