Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
