Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
