yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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