i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
