i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
