just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
