don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
