Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Can you bring me the toilet please
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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