Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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