yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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