I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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