is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
