I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
