Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
