remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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