I'm going to jail i love you
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
