Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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