FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
