did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Boobs are out for the taking
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
