the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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