Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I need to sanitize my soul.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
All the doctor said was why
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
