So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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