Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
