Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
