I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
