If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
