The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
