we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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