i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
COCAINE IS GR8
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
