this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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