I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
