It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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