There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
