He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
