I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
